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7 signs of a toxic relationship

When you are in a new relationship, the heady addictive feeling gets to you. And that is why, sometimes you invariably are blinded to the fact that the relationship may be corrosive. Here are a few signs.

When you are in a new relationship, the heady addictive feeling gets to you. And that is why, sometimes you invariably are blinded to the fact that the relationship may be corrosive. It may be doing you more harm than good. Here are some warning signs that can help you know whether you are in a toxic relationship.

Your relationship drains you: Research suggests that 70% of our energy drains are emotional, says health psychologist Dr Kanan Khatau Chikhal. She adds, “One of the first signs of a toxic relationship is how you feel after you meet your partner. Do you feel high-spirited and motivated or do you feel like a deflated balloon? It is subjective feeling.” You need to move away from a relationship that stresses you out and takes away more than it can give you.

You’re walking on eggshells: Do you think twice before uttering any line to your partner? The persistent fear of saying or doing something that might aggravate or upset him is a clear signal that your relationship is not balanced in your favour.

You start following your partner’s habits to impress: Do you feel pressurised to drink more than what you are comfortable with, when you are out with your partner? Do you feel that you need to take up smoking just to impress him/her? If your relationship is making you take up negative habits, then you need to rethink.

Jealousy rears its ugly head: Jealousy and over possessiveness could be a symptom of an inferiority complex, states psychiatrist Dr Anjali Chhabria. “Initially, you feel happy that your partner wants to know every little detail about your day but over time, you realise that it is not because he/she loves you, but because he/she is insecure. This is unhealthy and can be a symptom of a larger problem like paranoia or a delusional disorder, which, if not acknowledged or treated, could become suffocating for the partner,” she adds.

Your past errors are dug up frequently: When a partner resorts to citing examples like ‘This is what you always do. Last month also…’ or ‘You were like this with your ex too’, you know your relationship may be treading dangerous ground. Dr Chhabria says, “When a partner is insecure, he/she may be making a case history against you on a sub-conscious level. Anything that happens, he/she immediately recollects the past examples and keeps mentioning them. He/she doesn’t concentrate on nor tries to solve the issue at hand.” Ghosts of the past usually torment this kind of person, making life difficult for you too.

Your relationship is all about your partner: When you stop paying attention to your close friends and family because your partner takes up all your time, you should see the red flag. Dr Chhabria, says, “If you are unable to concentrate on anything because you are always catering to your partner’s insecurities, you could be in a toxic relationship.” Citing an example, she says that a girl had forgotten to wish her best friend on her birthday because her boyfriend took up all her time, and their relationship was always all about him.

Your partner’s too clingy: In any relationship, one partner may assume that the other is very dependable, because he/she may fulfil certain psychological requirements that the other may have. When that partner is unavailable, one starts to get insecure and grumpy. This leads to the uncontrollable urge to be with the partner 24X7 and could be bad for the relationship. Sometimes, it results in stalking the partner or being insanely over possessive. Such an over-clingy and needy partner could be the reason for the end of a relationship.

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