There has to be a reason why we like thrusting our face into another’s.
A new study conducted among 900 men and women, and published in Archives of Sexual Behaviour and Human Nature, has found that kissing plays a crucial role in human courtship because it alerts us to “hidden biological cues indicating the genetic fitness or desirability of a potential mate”.
And here are the rules:
Check your breath
We know, discussing hygiene takes the punch out of passion, but this is elementary. If your mouth smells foul (either it is bad breath or that extra onion you sprinkled over your pav bhaji dinner), you’ve lost round one even before you’ve begun. Which is why you have toothbrushes, mouthwash gargles and mint chewing gum. Keep your teeth, gums and breath healthy. While this applies to both sexes, it’s especially vital for men, because research has proved that women depend on taste and smell in mate evaluation.
Circumstance is a player, and context is key. Pick the right moment. Is your partner keen to kiss you too? Will they allow you into their personal space? It’s best if you run an easy test. Deliver a friendly peck on her neck or lift the hair out of her face. If she doesn’t recoil, the signal’s green.
Focus on the job
There will always be distractions, but a good kisser is one who shuts out the universe and stays in the moment. Feel your breath mix with your partner’s. And relax. Your lips can’t be tense. And keep the pressure balanced. If it’s too light, you may come across as lukewarm. If you push too hard, you are uncouth.
Use your imagination
Kissing is an important step in foreplay, but you needn’t make it obvious that it’s a means to an end. It can’t be mechanical. And hit erogenous zones besides the lips. For men, it varies from the nape of the neck and back of knees to even nibbling of the ears. For the ladies, a kiss on the inner thighs and a caress of the wrists are equally turning on. Try doing the 69, but with your lips (think Peter Parker hanging upside down, before Mary Jane peels the mask off his face).
Stellar kisses have gradations. They vary in spend and pressure. They vary from gentle to passionate, with a pause taken in between for breathing. React and reply to your lover’s lip cues. Lead aggressively when they let up; be the patient recipient when they are in the mood to play choreographer. Remember to catch your partner’s eye in a while. It can get annoying to have someone pinch their eyelids shut each time they kiss. It helps build an emotional connect.
Watch your hands
Use your hands. A kisser who moves nothing but the lips comes across as frozen. But be aware of where they are going. Clutching him/her by the waist close to your groin suggests you mean business. Touching the chin gently or fiddling with the other’s fingers is about playfulness. Holding them firmly by the neck could mean, “This one’s going to take a while”. Before you allow them to stray anywhere else, make sure you are in a position to take liberties. Ferociously clutching a clump of hair isn’t permissible, unless it’s S&M you’ve planned.
Debate tongue use
Some believe tongue use must end when you earn your graduation degree, but there are those who swear by its power. This one’s tricky and will take practice. No one likes being suffocated with a tongue shoved down the larynx, so make sure your tongue doesn’t exit your mouth. Meeting the other at ‘gates’ is fine. The lick can come to good use, especially when you run your tongue over your lover’s slightly parted lips.