Mansi, a 24-year-old girl on the verge of matrimony is facing a commotion of mixed thoughts. Her nupital excitement is climaxing at two levels. On one hand, while she’s awaiting stepping into a realm of new relations, on the other, her ‘virginity-status’ is adding to her pre wedding jitters.
Mansi is getting sleepless nights wondering what if her better half comes to know that she’s not a virgin? Will he accept her if she dares to bare the truth? Can she hide it, if she tries? These questions popping into her mind prior to D-Night is adding to her nervous anxiety. However, she’s not alone as there are many women on the verge of tying the knot who face the same dilemmas.
So, is losing one’s virginity before marriage still a big deal? Let’s explore…
Kalpana Sharma, a Delhi based journalist, heralds the importance of open ended communication, adding that her conjugal relationship only improved after she and her partner chose to candidly share sagas of their steamy pasts with one other. “My guy wasn’t a virgin and he revealed this in our first few days of courtship. This gave me the courage to share my own experiences with him and he was equally cool with it. I think as long as the past doesn’t affect your present, it’s cool.”
For Rahul Rastogi, a 26- year-old, chartered accountant, revealing one’s sexual past is an individual’s personal prerogative, which should be respected. “If I were to discover on my first night that my partner is not a virgin, I would take it well, as at least one of us is more experienced,” he reveals. Ujjwal Sharma, finds the answer in the changing social trends, when he says, “In today’s age, I don’t expect my partner to be a virgin as it has become a trend to lose one’s virginity even without love.”
Discarding one’s past and cooking up a yummy future is the new relationship mantra amongst newly weds. New age lovers are matured enough to let the bygones be bygones and not allow their past baggage to ruin their future. “When one embarks upon a new journey with their partner, all that should matter is the present and the future,” says Arshi Uppal, a PR executive, based in Delhi. “It matters only if you are one. I won’t leave my wife for her past, but will definitely make sure she stays loyal with me for the rest of her life,” believes Lokesh Verma, a Delhi based tattoo artist.
The temptation to take the plunge becomes tough to resist, in a day and age when sex comes naturally in relationships of the heart. And modern day go-getters have no qualms in accepting that their partners may have gone the whole way in their past affairs. But, despite some broad minded couples, there are still those who relate virginity to morality. For them the bond of the unbroken hymen still scores over the bond of love and commitment. But what if you marry one of these?
Don’t fret! Now, while we’re are not talking about a technical ‘hymen reconstruction’ or innovative ways of faking virginity, rather we are doling out some fun formulas.
Try these methods on the first night and your partner will end up thanking you for your valued experience, rather than brooding over your virginity:
1. Load her with gifts: Most men suffer from performance anxiety, added to that is the tension that your wife may understand you are not a virgin. Such thoughts often spoil the magic of the first night together. So indulge your better half as women love gifts. Shower her with the best of picks…right from saucy lingerie to classy jewellery. She’ll be so engrossed in adoring her gifts of love that analysing your chastity would be the last thing on her mind.
2. Act like a greenhorn: In Rome, do as the Romans do! And when with a virgin, do as a virgin does. Try not acting like a well rehearsed ‘sex-guru’ or a ‘sex-goddess’. Go slow…you have your entire life to try out those meticulous moves and painful positions.
3. Seduce him to madness: OK…you have been a sex kitten. Use your sexperience now! Seduce him to such an extent that he’s just there and wants ‘it’ and nothing else matters. Be it with your tantalising lingerie or the sexy tattoo you’ve got etched at a place that’s accessible only to him- use your body to your best.
4. Prolong the foreplay: A killer desire to jump into a steamy, hot romp is a clear indication of premature desperation. Resist this temptation and extend the sensuous foreplay. Touch, tickle, tease or taste… do anything to turn on him/her to an extent where the thought of virginity ceases to exist.
5. Get the angles wrong: Yes, as opposed to the general rule of getting all the angles, moves and positions right. Make the wrong moves and motions and she’ll know you are an anxious first timer, just like her. Maybe you will discover an altogether new position all by yourselves. The excitement of discovery will make your first night memorable.
6. Get loud: As the popular adage goes, most first timers fear that first time could be quite painful. And pain makes one scream aloud. So, even if it’s not your first time, getting your vocal chords active often acts as a pleasure heightener.
7. Put some sense in his mind: If the above mentioned tricks fail to seduce him and he’s still banking upon a ‘broken-hymen’ as the stamp of virginity, gently make him understand that women can lose their hymen for many reasons, without even being touched by a man. A modern man will understand that even swimming breaks the hymen.
More than virginity, accepting your partner the way he/she is. And take the wedding night as the beginning to a new journey. So here’s to a passage of self discovery.